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First Time for Everything

by Connor James

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1.
4am 01:40
2.
He fits in when he's choking on cigarettes Every time he breathes out Then breathing back in every shred of self doubt All the words he'll exhale that night To cleanse his filthy mouth Will be vomited through his teeth 'Cause he can't stand the pressure And the love to be That's when every shred of self doubt Every shred Came tumbling out Will he remember the days When once all he had was attrition and space? Will he remember the days When once all he had was a bus that took three hours Just so his home looked far away? Will he remember his bed When once there was just too much space in it to bear? Looking young for his age With a whole lot of love to give And a fear of change Fast-forward five years And there'll be blood on his bed sheets And hearts in his rear-view There'll be a bottle at the ready A new breed of worry And no church on Sunday
3.
Between the smiles I'm in denial Forgetting how you feel: That's all you And no one can take it away from you Between the smiles I might misplace my love Roll back down Montreal Instead of four floors above The faults in the foot traffic tonight They bleach my heart And kill this energy Between the smiles the water turns to wax As I strain to project All these feelings that I'm bound to forget 'Cause my brain's too wet We juggle our joy It's up then it's down Then it's back around You better soak up the rain Get used to it 'Cause I'm drunk and I'm high Half the time Yeah, I know it kills this energy You better soak up the rain Get used to it Watch it run all her makeup down the drain And make everyone unfamiliar to me
4.
We're all in the same boat But sometimes float alone By the window sill Pretty eyes are dressed to kill By the window sill You're crushing up love pills Dishonest spit Flying over everyone's head tonight Dishonest spit Fountaining desire Buckled in the back Riding way too fast in the car And everyone around me Is a denizen to my heart We're all in the same boat Until we feel alone By the the window sill You're crushing up love pills
5.
From the Car 03:58
When the leaves hit the dirt Everybody seems to get hurt In the summertime Leaves don't freeze They burn In the summertime You don't freeze You burn out Left to your own thoughts And all of the drugs That you told yourself you would not Tattooing lipstick circles on my neck As I reach for the bottle That's beside the bed Then the winter hits And you gotta try hard to live again But the west coast ain't no better No seasons No beginnings No ends Left to your own thoughts And all of the drugs That you told yourself you would not Tattooing lipstick circles on my neck As I reach for the bottle That's beside the bed I had a dream That every lover Threw the other From the car At the same time
6.
Key in the door And I'm immediately floored By a sea of red wine with bad motives That could wash me to the basement Where my blood could thin And I could spin with the laundry I'd blow off plans So I could sit and miss you And think all the thoughts That met the whisky head on Slightly concerned Tomorrow's holiday Monday So I can't buy my sleep medication: J&B and cheap Sangiovese I'd blow off plans So I could sit and miss you And learn what it means It's not as pathetic as it seems You stole my purpose And my ability to stay just above the surface Instead I'll drown in the sea of self-pity Which as it happens is just as hard to cross As the ocean that came between us
7.
Ladybug 03:37
Please excuse my late-blooming nature I left my juvenile try-hard in the sky When I fell towards the earth like a ladybug Sadly, I’m in the body of a guy At least when I hit the ground I’ll surely die Please excuse my late-blooming nature I know I’ll make a million mistakes The learning curve gets steeper every day And I’ll try to keep this moving with no rain delays But I could never promise it I never wanna leave my bed Like every other kid I just want someone to rub noses And smell the roses with; And live with Please excuse my late-blooming nature I left my juvenile try-hard in the sky I’m a ladybug Looking for a height that’s tall enough To kill me; To end my life But I’m too light I’m a ladybug Looking for a high that’s tall enough To kill me; To end my life But I’m too light
8.
Clippers 03:55
Clipping locks on the bridge Where lovers have etched Their permanence on the edge Between a past And a future And a straight ahead They'll miss it Everyone who ever falls in love Might talk about their wedding And the kids running around the house Over ex-boyfriends Who had the same talk But it wasn't meant to be The fervor of the night And if it don't shine just right Well, you can bring your own clippers next time Or just move on I don't wanna get stacked up with The billions of boys Who spoke just out of turn They should never have spoken at all Their knowledge of the world Is the tallest brick wall Their knowledge of the world Is only left turns I should never have spoken at all My knowledge of the world Is the tallest brick wall My knowledge of the world Is only left turns Clipping locks on the bridge Where lovers have edged Their permanence on the edge Of the fervor of the night And if it don't burn just right Well, you can bring your own clippers next time Or just move on. Just move on.
9.
I'm the kind of guy who looks both ways I'm the kind of guy who gets hit anyway Flip through the air with me Where words can go in any direction I'm the kind of guy who takes for granted But I'm the kind of guy who's easy to manage I never forget But I'll never be a threat I'll keep that restaurant that we found Between you and I I'll put the pen to the paper To try to explain why Flip through the air with me Where promises only break When we kiss the concrete Might taste better than my lips When they're bitter Might taste better than what drips Down your sweater It might taste better
10.
I's & U's 03:34
I remember The fog that cleared from my bedroom And the loosening of the corset strings That had me fettered in skin Tightly tourniqueted And changing my voice's sound Changing the words I thought would come out Pushing Pulling Leaving And breathing hard down my neck Condense the alphabet To I's U's Goods And goodbyes I'll save those feelings For the middle of the pillow I'll save those feelings For staring into breakfast tomorrow And for putting on winter tires To cope with the seasonal patterns Like pushing Pulling Leaving And breathing hard down my neck Condense the alphabet To I's U's Goods And goodbyes...
11.
Six O'Clock 02:54
I told you that my throat was parched And that the little bag on the table was dry As if it was news Worthy of the six o'clock 'Cause God knows at that time of the evening I could never be contented or happy I'll be scrambling for a connection And pressing my lips onto metal Instead of onto you You said it's easy For a little while just let it be If I know what's good for me
12.
Nothing But 03:05
You're a gun in the war A flower bore By a beautiful daughter dressed in white Face down at the bar Crashing your car Into her field of roses You're nothing but Nothing words Hope you find someone Who likes living with the birds You're nothing but Empty remarks Hope you find someone Who likes living in the dark Make my systems fail Like a poison cocktail Spiked with your homemade drugs That make me oblivious to the obvious; I don't know what I want
13.
Glue 03:37
Be careful which door you choose Be careful which outlets you use She'll have you out on the sidewalk Between two apartments To fade to black and blue Think she'll be better off Spitting up hairballs and residue Instead of me and you? You'll be in heaven Between old lovers and new But it won't be so hard to choose this time I swear The bed sheets yellow and red Your brain and your body Slowly turning to liquid But she's made oceans like this before So bring your boat for when you pull out From shore You'll be in heaven Between old lovers in the nude But it won't be so hard to choose this time I swear You'll remember the sidewalk And fading into the cracks like glue Hardened and spread Like the first day you met You'll be out on the curb Exchanging final words And it'll either be a try for friendship Or headboards on your wall While you're trying to sleep Headboards on your wall All night long When she's through and through with you She'll walk right over you When you're through and through with her And all you wanted to do Was anything but hurt her
14.
Drivin' in my big black car Nothing can go wrong I'm goin' and I don't know how far So, so long Maybe I'll sleep in a holiday inn Nothing can hurt me Nothing can touch me Why should I care? Drivin's a gas And it ain't gonna last Sunny day highway If it rains well, it's all the same 'Cos I can't feel a thing I've got a big black car Nothing can hurt me Nothing can touch me Why should I care? Drivin's a gas And it ain't gonna last I see the stars above Oh yes
15.
Every time I get scared That my apartment will catch fire again Or that you'll leave and then... The climb will fade And the days will dull I'll wait for a call That my family has died Every day that shines Every star that dies Is already in me The mirror's wet From long hot showers And teary eyes Reflecting me and all I've got What I am And all that I'm not But even when it has all gone wrong I still have my sight and my songs But the climb it fades And the days, they dull I wait for a call That my family has died Every day that shines Every star that dies Is already in me Everything that seemed like a petty memory Was always soaked in some kind of beauty Like when we were on the bus And I pointed out the setting sun Then so did two others Every moment like that And every one in the past Reflects in your mirror in the morning Every day that shines Every star that dies Is already in me I'm always nervous when my phone rings But there's a first time for everything

about

This album is an independently-made collection of demos that were recorded at different times and places.

credits

released August 13, 2015

All songs written and performed by Connor James, except for "Big Black Car" (written by Alex Chilton & Big Star). Songs recorded in my bedroom in Toronto, except for "Clippers" and "Big Black Car" (recorded at Raf's place) and "Ladybug" and "Might Taste Better" (recorded in my Ottawa bedroom).

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Connor James Halifax, Nova Scotia

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